expired candy

muahahahahahahhaahah

Wed, 02 May 2007 04:59:26 GMT

i'm going to play with this till i go crazy.

let's see

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 15:24:50 GMT

over the past two weeks :

missed a whole week of school lessons because we were in the SAC room preparing for the debate competition.

had a rough time dealing with the boyfriend's crying and complaints 5 times a day.

lost the competition during the final round. but the judges told me personally that they thought my performance was "very good". yeah but i wasn't awarded best speaker, bitches!

finally came to terms with the boyfriend.

broke up with my now ex-boyfriend.
scratch that. we're officially turning into rachel and ross. back to square one, baby.

wow. i'm totally enjoying the view here on cloud 9. NOOOOOTTTTTTT.

in order to keep myself mentally stable and content with life, i forked out a month's allowance and got myself the canon lens i wanted. whoever said money can't buy happiness? come here and i'll smash your head with a hammer.

i didn't expect this

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 10:33:43 GMT

but it did turn out to be a vacation after all.

wow

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 04:48:58 GMT

i've never been this dissapointed since... when i was 12 and i got only 4 As for UPSR.
and that's a very long time ago.

off to port dickson for a "vacation".

uuh uuh uuh

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 04:29:38 GMT

yuck. throat infection caused by my chronic sinus.
the base of my throat [center between the collarbone] is swollen.
it makes me weak and i can't talk so much.

anyway.

as i've been supah supah busy recently, i haven't had the time to take as many pictures as i'd like to. still, i've been thinking on what to shop for once i sell off my olympus e-300 to adam. there's been a lot of pressure deciding between the 50mm f/1.8 and the f/1.4 USM. if i buy the f/1.8 i'd still have enough to splurge on canon's speedlight. although i'm still contemplating on how much do i really need a flash and the risk of breaking the f/1.8 lens as it's so flimsy. decisions, decisions.

i'm also deciding whether i should enter debate or not. there will only be 4 schools competing this year, so we actually have a high chance of winning. but with my state of health and packed schedule, i'm not sure if i have the ass to actually prepare myself for the competition [i would not be the 3rd speaker anymore, so i can't just sit down and listen. aiya!].

i'm craving for some of my mummy's chicken soup.
she's only been away for a day and i'm already missing her presence in this house.

a perfect mess.

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 14:47:05 GMT

who needs rebonding, anyway?

kidding, kidding. i wish i could straighten my hair. using flat irons every morning is really biting my arse hard.

i've been uber busy with school and schoolwork. club meetings have been really gay, so i'm planning to be one of the people in charge for the talent show this year [urgh we're having another one] but i won't be judging this time, i have enough problems in my life already. the ice breaking session was excruciatingly painful. i had to meet all my juniors who speak with an accent and claim that they "hate the malay language but love english with a passion". excellent. if i were a bitch, i'd dare them to talk without the suffix '-lah'. ha. mampus kau.

i haven't met adam for weeks now. i miss him too much that i drew a portrait of him in my book by looking at his picture in my phone. i haven't picked up a pencil for the purpose of drawing in years but surprisingly, it looks a lot like him.

moreover, i think it's good that i prepare myself a bit before i start my art classes.

still have maths to do.

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 08:09:44 GMT

what? of all the things to shout and scream on the phone about, after months of no fighting, it had to be about FAMILY?! what is happening?

we're losing it. we are so losing it.

vent vent vent.

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 11:11:42 GMT

look, i have no interest in meeting sick [or rather just a bunch of hypochondriacs] people daily and tell them to "get some rest" and prescribe them with nothing but enough asprins or acetominophen so that their fever or allergies would cool down. neither do i have any interest to prescribe students struggling to collect 36 A1s for their spm ample amount of anti-depressants. also, i don't find slicing any part of the human anatomy a teeny bit entertaining at all. injecting botox for the sake of making women look as though they're being happily electrocuted or stuffing nipples with silicon or sucking out fat from thighs and planting them into people's cheeks to raise their self-esteem are beyond my principles of ~~beauty~~ life itself. most importantly, i don't want to pretend that i'm happy doing something i don't believe in just for the money [and not that much anyway]. i have no idea when God will be taking my life away and i want to make sure i live doing something i enjoy. i don't care if surgeons make a lot more money than artists, i would only care if surgeons are relatively a lot happier and less stressed than people with other professions.

my father has been doing nothing but trying to convince me that by taking anything to do with science or medicine, my life will be more fulfilling. the reasons that he gives me when i ask him "why?" are close-minded and very kampung of him [remember how they used to salute doctors and only doctors in old p ramlee movies?], one of the reasons being "we need more doctors." WHY ME? why would you want someone who doesn't give enough shit about people helping people? however, i know deep down inside my father knows he ridicules himself when he says "no such thing as can't-take-medics-because-you-don't-like-it" because any job for that matter requires passion and interest and the need to know. i have those charecteristics, but not towards medicine. so baba, whether i get As for my sciences this year or not, i suggest you say bye bye to your BSc in Medicine written on a paper dream of yours for your daughter...

because i'm enrolling myself in art lessons to prepare myself for college.

bring it on bebeh!!

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 15:34:45 GMT

two more papers to go. two more papers.
come on... come on!
i'm so tired. so so tired.
and yes, i'm also being repetitive.

the boyfriend is being so nice by wanting to take me out on a proper date [which means, he pays and no dutch-ing] and to make it even campier, he actually said "take you out for a movie". wow, i thought only americans do that? it's also weird because we always end up watching a movie whenever we go out, and we never plan them up. it's just a must. so going out "to watch a movie" sounded nonsensical to me. it's a bit of a "duh~" situation too. still, i think it's cute that he wants to pay for everything, because i've never allowed that to happen before. come to think of it, i've been paying for myself on dates for nearly 2 years now! very independant, ey? *pats back*

wokay. nak tidur.

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 09:16:04 GMT

i'm really deteriorating as a girlfriend.
my "sikap acuh tak acuh" [or nonchalant-ness, as shana describes it] has probably gone too far.

but on a happier note, i scored my first ever A1 for add maths, which was also the highest score in my class. i remember that i scored a D7 for my first add maths exam back in form 4 and failed all the way through till the end of last year. my add maths teacher, an old grumpy widow [who hates me], only said "shamine ni kadang-kadang tenggelam, kadang-kadang timbul" when she handed me the paper. yeah. timbul pun, no thanks to you, bitch. i know you were happy with your little moment making fun of me when i got 2/100 for the exam last month, saying i failed because of my "penampilan" and that if i were to change the way i dress, i would definitely pass.

wow. genius thesis.

three papers tomorrow. all reading subjects. these teachers are a bunch of sadists.

opah and lebam

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 03:58:44 GMT

a flower. i hate taking pictures of flowers.

i shot opah and her semi-blind cat, lebam while they were chilling outside the house. if there's one word that rhymes with "opah" it would definitely be "cat". i wished to take more pictures, but i started scratching myself halfway through from mosquito bites and had to run back inside. can't really trust putrajayan mosquitos. they could be aedes.

HIP HAP YAW

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 08:43:13 GMT

i stole his hat and mojo...

...and turned into a male!

not a good look for me, though.

delayed goodbye to an era

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 05:32:39 GMT

and a trendsetter :

it took 10 minutes of browsing around myspace for me to realise that my "take-a-picture-then-edit-it-heavily-in-photoshop-so-it-becomes-art" days are long gone. i've been concentrating a lot on the technical side of photography rather than what i plan to do post-shooting. i now spend less than 3 minutes in photoshop for each picture i take, only fixing the essentials. i think i'll stick to that.

again, yes, i know. i'm an elitist cunt. bite me in the ass.

sports day

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 12:36:02 GMT

amazingly, it turned out to be a huge blast.

an okay turnout this year, considering that the holidays start tomorrow. the rest were at their camps.

bestari, my team. getting ready. our theme was "pahlawan bestari".

our cute mascot.

putra and their unbeatable tiger. unfortunately their camp lost to the blue team, cyber [who's camp was ugly anyway] and ended up being last. until now, i don't get why. i mean, that tiger was HUGE! we shared the same art room to get ready and we could see that they worked so hard to get their work done. well, everyone booed the blue team anyway when they recieved the prize.

all the camps. ours was the ugliest haha. i have to admit that.

my very pleased principle, puan che manis and the rest.

police cadet.

bestari doing their thang! me, sha and qeel painted their faces and they turned out looking like zombies heading for sekolah agama haha.

zul leading the group. nice moustache ey?

cantik.

perdana : knights and dragons. with nadiah as the princess no one wants to save. they came out as the number one team though. 3 years in a row.

putra did an excellent job. t-shirts were ordered from lim kok wing. bagi gempak konon.

cute.

cyber : the team everyone hates. their theme was "retro". menyampah aku tengok muka faruq in this picture.

wira. bringing the shiang ti era back to life.

kak lina, my ex-senior who's been bugging me for months wanting to meet up, actually came today. say hi to the ape behind her.

it was so hard to get this shot.

me and sha : the painters. we've gone crazy from too much painting.

i did mention zombies, didn't i?

me, my tired face and zul.

what me and sha did yesterday since we got so bored of painting boards. a hidden mickey, "sha", and "mine". people didn't realise until we pointed them out.

kami. i actually smiled baring my teeth. doesn't happen often. i guess i was really excited today.

nazreen is fabulous and all the ladies love him. period.

lina and a very sunburnt me.

emong the great. they won!

me with imran. the one i always tease for having the coolest gadgets.

it was definitely worth it, eventhough i only started to work my ass off in helping them one day before the whole thing was executed. i respect the rest of the teams who have started working weeks prior to this day. i think the rest of the photographs are good too, and i did a pretty decent job [running here and there on the field and up and down the bleachers have never been my thing].

one of the teachers, the senior assistant, also my dad's acquaintance, nearly pushed me off the stairs when i was taking pictures of my principle at the VIP area. why? because she wanted to sit there and supposedly i was "blocking". she pushed me on my tummy and i lost my balance for a second. i seriously thought i was going to fall down the flight of stairs so i mumbled a "whoa!" and gave her a shocked, angry face. she just smiled at me for a quick second, probably realising her mistake, and proceeded entering the vip area. no sorries, ey? expect my father in your office soon, bitch. i never really liked you anyway.

oh well. i'm still satisfied. i'm now off to johore to pick up opah and her cat, lebam.

not so shamine-y

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 10:48:27 GMT

i helped my sports team get ready for tomorrow's sports day. we started at about 9 a.m. and i had to head back home when i realised it was already 6 p.m. i've never painted so much in my life, and i actually had fun being involved which was probably the weirdest part of all. i came back home earlier at 2 p.m. to have my lunch. at that time i got a call from adam. when i told him i was getting ready to get back to school i heard a long silent disbelief coming from the other line. can't really blame the boy.

tomorrow i'll be taking pictures and getting the kids who will be marching ready with their costumes and makeup. normally i wouldn't even think of attending.

i'm so exhausted. i'll be sleeping soundly tonight.

and i have paint on my hair.

the concert.

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 07:59:59 GMT

amazing. perfect. sugar, spice and everything nice.

i have to admit, a lot of times last night, i held my face while looking at matt, chris and dom in pure clarity while holding back my tears. i couldn't believe it's them in the flesh.

we actually sneaked into the mosh pit but couldn't survive after the first song [knights of cydonia. from now on it's the scariest song ever]. i swear to God i really thought i was going to faint, the feeling was horrible. other than that the boys were grabbing me and others were pushing and someone rubbed his crotch against my ass so badly till i thought someone was actually pissing on me [cause it felt WARM. talk about extreme friction] and the bunch of girls in front of me were screaming and crying and struggling to get out. the second song started [hysteria] and we slowly pushed our way out, which i thought was impossible. so we stood where we deserved : the rockzone.

i heard them rehearsing "feeling good" earlier while sitting right next to the gate and my heart skipped a bit, knowing that they had arrived there at the stadium. during the concert they played "citizen erased" and "sunburn" which made me go crazy. i was screaming along to the lyrics and jumping like a madwoman with my sister while the others stared at us. well, maybe they had nothing else to do since they didn't know the lyrics nor song itself. some of them actually sat down and did nothing after about 5 songs. told you the concert was full of posers! they only got back up when matt told us the next song was "starlight". i did mention about posers, right?

the funny bits were when they spoke malay [not really].
matt says thank you as terima ka-see! and dom said apa khalar instead of apa khabar.

anyway, they were still fucking excellent. if there's one thing people should know about muse, it's that they never ever play half-heartedly during their gigs, even the smallest ones. i thought they turned thuper gay after their recent albums but they're still great. i'm glad i could assure myself that they are still outstanding at performing live, that matt is really tiny and perfect perfect perfect, that dom is actually lean and tall and that chris is a mute.

my life is complete.

MUSE tomorrow

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 11:24:38 GMT

Matt [notice i never write names with starting with capital letters]. back when he was skeletal but ultimately sexy.

what i did for matt bellamy years ago, before the posers attacked.

yet tomorrow, i will be jumping around with thousands of people who, i'm positive, can't even name 10 of their songs from different albums. ok, fine. if they can do that, i'd dare them to name me 15 of their b-sides. boleh? BOLEH? O__O

it gets me all teary-eyed thinking about how obsessed i was with them after hearing their song in a mix-tape back when i was 12 and stupid.

i remember going to australia for a holiday trip packed with no other music than muse's. i woke up everyday listening to their songs while i get ready and i would go down and have breakfast while browsing their official forum with the rest of the ol' musers on the net and watching their videos for the umpteenth time before getting dressed for school [to THEIR songs, again]. if there's time i would play their songs on the electone and pray to God that one day i would be as talented and sexy as matt bellamy. i kept their printed pictures in my wallet, paste them behind my cupboard and when i reach school i would go to the hall and play their songs on the piano and annoying my friends from hearing the same tunes over and over again. i printed out all of their fanfiction made by musers and read them and laughed like it was real. i felt like i knew them. they were my boyfriends, my companions, and i could relate to their music more than anything else. i practiced on my electone and i have to say that if i'm good, it's because of muse. i took drum lessons after getting inspired by dom [i call their short names as if they're my friends]. i also cut my hair short to nearly an inch so that i could spike them up like matt always did and not to mention bleached it white so i could dye them red using the same brand of product that matt used [fudge rockstar haircolour. i recommend it].

in 2004 they came out with "time is running out". and it alllllllll began. the boys and girls who started to claim they're muse fans too. i hated it, but muse seemed to like it because they came out with more nasty POP singles. i felt betrayed. like having boyfriends who cheated on you. after mourning, i moved on and got myself a new [and real this time] boyfriend. slowly everything faded away.

which is why i'm not so psyched about tomorrow as the newbies who say their favourite muse song is "starlight". *insert eye-rolling here*

so tomorrow, standing somewhere in the sea of cunt-y posers chanting for them will be someone who was completely devoted to every single move they made back when they were nobodies.

oh. i still think matt and dom are sexy.

when insomnia attacks...

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 17:12:02 GMT

...there's always LJ.

i've had a pretty unruly week.
i didn't even realise we went through a 5-day break.
my master plan to go shopping in johore failed miserably.
went out with adam, faruq and his ex.
we were genuinely nice to her, only to be told later by faruq that she hates us.
had to sit for 2 1/4 hours watching puaka tebing biru [which affects about 90% of why this week has been bad haha], but we scored couples' seats so good waste of RM11.
my father was being a prick when adam had dinner with us. didn't talk. didn't eat. at all.
i can't describe how embarrassed i was.

BUT I LOVE HIM, DADDY!

gay.

goodnight.

idiot

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 12:24:11 GMT

you can cry till you go blind, but i'd still think you're the biggest bullshitter ever.

i'm not even sure if this is the right way to feel and react. although a part of me is telling myself that this is pms talking. i've never reached this level of anger : i feel like i should mengucap. i will tell him to leave me alone. because i do think i need to be alone. ohhhhhh. he is going to GET IT if he doesn't leave me alone. don't let the bugis side of me attack, you shit.

anyway.

i have a class photoshoot tomorrow, it's for a mini photo gallery we have in our classroom. so i will be bringing my camera and have some fun. hope we can get some funny shots [i'm really counting on nazreen on this one].

dah tua!

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 11:28:07 GMT

Happy 22nd, sis!

i love you to ugly bits.

greetings earthlings!

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 16:38:34 GMT

it's amazing how my eyeballs are still inside my socket.

i'm pretty sure i haven't written in a while.
because the keyboard seems like a foreign object to me lately.
let me have a breather and start venting.
too much suppression is... well, too much.

hmm.

well for a start i must say there can't be many things bothering a 16-year-old girl except for her studies [can't be bothered to talk (nor think) about it], friends [not many to start with], parents [emm], and what else. oh. of course, her very complex love life. haha.

i have been writing about adam since the day i met him, which to be exact was 2 years ago [wow, 2 years?]. throughout that (long) period of time i don't really recall writing things that are, how do i say this, positive[?] about him. they were mostly just random rants and complaints about what he was doing wrong and how i wish he could be a better guy/boyfriend or why isn't he ari wibowo or mark wahlberg or someone very very sexy lah. ok i made that last part up. maybe i've written about that in my notebook or something, but not lj. other than that they were my pathetic musings on how much i miss him and how lovely he is and so on.

but this time, i'm not sure whether this will be another musing or complaint. because i can't decide whether this is a good thing or not. but-

riiiiiiight.

my phone just rang. and it was him. calling to ask what i'm up to and so i said i was writing about him.

i realised one thing tonight which is : after 2 years of knowing each other this is the first time that i've been asked for my journal address by him. for someone who believes in karma and gets slapped on the face a lot by it, i've officially been a victim [again] tonight, because a few days ago i was calling my dad a bastard for flipping through my private writings and now i myself personally gave away the address of my journal to my own boyfriend who is practically the main subject of my constant ramblings. the worst part is i did it out of losing to a nice comeback from you, yes you adam, saying my online journal isn't exactly private. as a matter of fact it is indeed open for public viewing. so ok. 1-0. OUCH.

i'm no longer in the mood to write out what i initially wanted to say but what happened a few moments ago is very much related to it. i guess in a nutshell, i wanted to write about how much he actually gives a shit now compared to before, or to sound more decent how much he actually cares about what i'm doing lately. come to think of it, yes. it is a good thing. i like it when my thoughts and actions actually matter. yes. i do like it when he gives a shit. i like seeing your name calling on my phone 5 times a day rather than not hearing from you at all. i like hearing you getting upset when i refuse to tell you about my feelings. i like it when you get jealous and i do like it that when we have an arguement, you're the one who calls again after we've hung up to say sorry and ask if everything's all right because before this it was always me.

i guess i'm not the only victim of karma.

but whatever. fuck it. i love you, dam. even if you don't care.

so...

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 10:29:51 GMT

muse are coming to malaysia, ey?

:D

back to black

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 07:59:34 GMT

flying back home from LAX airport tomorrow. welcome back to reality, shamine.

mini photoshoot

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 08:25:14 GMT

since my hunt for mark wahlberg failed miserably, i decided to let off some steam by harassing my sis to model for me.

one of these will be printed 8 X 10 for my portfolio. i still have a problem choosing a favourite.

fakies

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 07:29:44 GMT

i feel like shite because i was in hollywood boulevard hunting for mark wahlberg when the other kids are busy with first day of school. now i'm nervous.

but on a good note, i got myself some faux eyelashes that actually stick.